Joey: I have decided to keep the car theme going with this misadventure into madness. I captured this picture in Fort Worth, Texas, Cow Town for you out of towners. The absurdity that someone, anyone, would purchase this piece of eurotrash garbage and actually drive it around is one thing, but in Cow Town WTF! I expected the City to rise up and purge itself of the outsider. Like some sort of guardian force of one hundred Mexican-American cowboys all wearing matching chaps, hats and boots to emerge from the underground and toss the Smart Car off the corner of the Earth. Of course the animation would be 25 minutes long and unable to be bypassed by hitting the Start button. Oh, it seems that I have completely forgotten to mention the worst part of this particular vehicle. This asshole actually decided to put rims on the afterbirth! Look at it, look at them! I picture the driver being some TCU professor, recently divorced, and deciding to play the field of student professor love making. Of course he would choose the worst possible car out there due to the fact that he has spent half his life getting that Phd put after his name. Open the door to this bastard and I would bet 5 pounds of museum pamphlets and over priced blu-ray pornography would cascade into the streets. Of course hanging from the rear-view would be some sort of bullshit lanyard complete with photo ID that allows Dr. Moreau to work out in the Rec Center for free. Imagine the good doctor getting into his car one evening after a long day of looking up college girl’s skirts and being confronted by the largest man he’s ever seen. On top being 8 feet tall the man has size 25 boots, which are completely covered in cow manure. After ever so delicately removing the prof from his Smart Car, the man begins to clean his boots off on the car’s upholstery. This takes several hours as the boots are size 25. Now that the Smart Car is completely covered in manure, Dr. Moreau is made to drive to the West Coast and promptly into the Pacific! What an Asshole!
Ryan: I wish I could have sit in on the board meeting when they decided to ship SMART cars to America. Who devised their marketing plan? Most likely during the meeting up on their projector they had a short video young caucasian male with blond dreadlocks driving a glass-bike through a rough yet artistic neighborhood with a "hi my name is Asshole" sticker on his olive drab jacket with a German flag patch on the right arm. It is these type of scum that venture out and purchase these cars. It's not enough that they buy a small-assed car that will most likely end in a bloodbath, but they have to customize it too. Congratulations that you fit a nice pair of 14" Pep-Boys rims on there, don't forget the tint job. However, it I won't matter when some obese mom in a Saturn yelling at her kids in the rear-view slams directly into you. It's that last second where you will truly delve into the cock-meat sandwich called buyers remorse before the jaws of life pull you out of there. Now that we have touched on the utter lack of safety with it's most likely 2 star safety rating, let's talk about the people that drive them. The aforementioned hipsters that in one point in their lives went to Europe will try to venture down a different path and buy this bullshit car. You're not fooling anyone driving this car. You are a complete asshole. The salesman that sells you the car circles a clause in your lease contract that states "Be aware that by signing this agreement to own this car, you are an asshole. Void where prohibited." And also, stop driving around like you own the road in these cars. What is this Bump-and-Jump? Stay to the sidewalk where you belong Brad. Lastly, personally this asshole that bought this car truly either has balls or is just incredibly stupid to purchase and own this car in Texas. Thumbs down.
Ryan: I wish I could have sit in on the board meeting when they decided to ship SMART cars to America. Who devised their marketing plan? Most likely during the meeting up on their projector they had a short video young caucasian male with blond dreadlocks driving a glass-bike through a rough yet artistic neighborhood with a "hi my name is Asshole" sticker on his olive drab jacket with a German flag patch on the right arm. It is these type of scum that venture out and purchase these cars. It's not enough that they buy a small-assed car that will most likely end in a bloodbath, but they have to customize it too. Congratulations that you fit a nice pair of 14" Pep-Boys rims on there, don't forget the tint job. However, it I won't matter when some obese mom in a Saturn yelling at her kids in the rear-view slams directly into you. It's that last second where you will truly delve into the cock-meat sandwich called buyers remorse before the jaws of life pull you out of there. Now that we have touched on the utter lack of safety with it's most likely 2 star safety rating, let's talk about the people that drive them. The aforementioned hipsters that in one point in their lives went to Europe will try to venture down a different path and buy this bullshit car. You're not fooling anyone driving this car. You are a complete asshole. The salesman that sells you the car circles a clause in your lease contract that states "Be aware that by signing this agreement to own this car, you are an asshole. Void where prohibited." And also, stop driving around like you own the road in these cars. What is this Bump-and-Jump? Stay to the sidewalk where you belong Brad. Lastly, personally this asshole that bought this car truly either has balls or is just incredibly stupid to purchase and own this car in Texas. Thumbs down.
lol, "glass-bike"
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