Balloon Asshole

Joey: I'm going to go ahead and start this blog off with an ace.  This is the balloon man at my local OHOP (Original House of Pancakes).  If anyone in the history of America needs a kick in the teeth, it's this guy.  What am I, going to wake up at 7am, tuck my 1994 fraternity t shirt into the $9.99 Dickies with added cuffs I picked up at Walmart 3 days ago to class up my act?  Look at this hat I threw together this morning as I sifted through piles and piles of pedo porn while listening to the little mermaid soundtrack at full volume! What An Asshole! Discuss...

Sean: First off, what the hell is an OHOP.  If I were the International House of Pancakes, i'd put the kibosh on that.  Secondly, the guy seems to be sweating.  Now I am not a doctor, and I have no clue what energy level is needed to create balloon animals.  But for christ sake buddy, get on an elliptical.  Furthermore, he probably does this so he can go buy a $4.99 granny's omelet special, and then go home smelling like syrup and dried tears. I'd ask him to make me the most difficult balloon animals there are.  Like a snake, or one of them earthworm bullshits.  Then when he gave it to me I would just pop it and take my money back.  From now on, whenever I go to a breakfast establishment I am going to be fearful that my hangover will be ruined by some lump trying to cheer me up by making me buy a rubber giraffe.  gtfo.

Ryan:  Who is that, Michael Knight? Desperation is a stinky cologne John.  You know it took him like 5 hours standing in Barnes & Noble staring at a Lance Boyle's "The Balloon Knot"  to finally come up with what looks like the shake-weight on acid perched on his head.  Scarred from the voices of thousands of crying children because he could only make what looked like a dick and some balls out of balloons, he dropped off the pro circuit to further his dream of reaching the high-score at RC-PRO AM in his mothers basement.  "I just get really high, sit there at IHOP and make fucking balloons man hahahah" says balloon man. The disgruntled bus-boy is now given a run for his money as his "clean the table as fast a possible" routine that so gently warmed the country omelet eating folks' hearts in the past now just looks like a good ol' table cleanin compared to the new show in town. Nevertheless, it's a difficult line of work, as every time a Jack Sparrow balloon pirate sword or poodle is popped by a dried syrup-encrusted child near the entrance, a part of him drifts off into insanity.