Denny's

I have resorted to drinking Chivas Regal.  It tastes like the pain of a million Na'vi.  But a pain that can be bottled and sold on itunes at a premium in the form of I-dose... This particular glass of Chivas was poured by the lovely Sandra, a Sudanese transsexual with a heart of gold, but i digress. 

Denny's, lets see, Denny's, who is Denny, an asshole?! "Whoa" says my high school English teacher "easy on the comma splices!" I have no patience for Denny's, or broads that cheat........  Can I buy a vowel? Oh wait, wrong reality! Recently I had the displeasure of coming into contact with not one, but two Denny's locals.  I take that back, it was actually the same Denny's, just days apart on a to and from road trip. I was once told by a wise sage that the flow chart, if you will, of these breakfast/garbage eateries goes as such: Denny's<iHop<Waffle House.  Whilst I disagree with the said Waffle House mention I will note such statement as ignorance to the power of iHop.  I would love to be there at the conception of the Denny's franchise.  Apparently Denny's was Danny's Donuts before taking the Denny's name.  No idea how they came up with Denny's, maybe you should consult the meth dealer down the street.  I'm sure he could pass on his knowledge, or just sell you meth.

Upon entering said Denny's I was greeted by a creature that we will refer to as Project A.1, as the nuclear plant is only moments away.  After slipping in Project A.1's slug-trail multiple times before making it to our dining local, I took notice of my fellow patrons.  I'm not sure if it was my recent shower or simply my mastery of the English language, but one of the two forced the masses to stare.  As I powered up my Dragon Shout to teach these mere morals a valuable lesson, I was interrupted by my sweet mother informing me we had arrived at our table.  I nodded with agreement, but my dragon rage seethed upon seating.

After cracking the liquid-sugar-incrusted menu, I took notice of the reason for American obesity.  Deciding on egg whites and other seemingly healthy Denny's garbage I made note of one such item.  There so happened to be a sandwich version of Denny's "famous" grand slam breakfast.  Basically, the geniuses at Denny's Corp. (LOL) decided to cram everything included in the "grand slam" into sandwich form, hilarious.  I must say, I was kind of impressed by their thoroughness. Nothing was left out, including the pancakes!  After seeing this menu item, I promptly asked the waitress if they could possibly put the grand slam in shake form, you know, from the blender.  To which she replied with a very unimpressed "No" and a scowl from my parents...

Wait, the Chivas well has run dry?! How is this possible? I was under the impression that all things in life were continuous! So my life will end? How can I make plans when all things will come crashing to a halt? IM SO CONFUSED... back to Denny's.  The breakfast/lunch "entree" that I received on this the 28th year of my life, was subpar to say the least.  In fact, when I went out back to have a smoke with the Mexican busboy i tried to feed a stray dog my eggs.  This offer was met with the pup standing up on his hind legs and paw slapping me across the brow and calling me an asshole. Best restaurant ever!