Jared

Joey:   what an asshole. anyone else?

Ryan:

Horrible.  Biggest asshole ever.  What was that, like 15 years ago?  This guy really just doesn't go away.  It's like me waking up, and deciding to only drink fucking V8 for 6 months.  Hey look Ma, I lost 80 lbs and now have anemia.  I'm sure all the bullshit sandwiches you ate full of horrible preservatives won't have some sort of long-term effects on you.  Wash it down with a nice diet soda full of phenylalanine mixed with a some nice processed meat topped with free-radical sauce = you're going to die 20 years earlier. Empirical evidence is a fucking bitch, and not all the onion sauce in the world can make you escape your fate of dying with face cancer.

The best part about this guy was that once all his commericials aired and he bought himself an Oscar Meyer weiner car, he got fucking fat again.  That's how much of an asshole he is.   So what do you do, get right back on your regimen of sandwiches just to reappear after 10 years skinny again. 

I bet he thought he was a fucking genious by eating sandwiches for a year.  I'm a big fan of not eating so fucking much and exercising.  That always worked for me.  Demographically what he did makes sense, but I won't open that can of worms.  Stop showing up on my television.  Can you imagine the tear soaked letter he sent to Subway about how much it changed his life.  I want to send a letter to Subway to tell the Mexicans that make my sandwich that no one is fucking next to me in line, there's no reason to rush me and get impatient when I don't know what bread I want.  What a horrible company, and an appropriate asshole mascot.  It's like me eating Kosher food for a year, you don't see me sending a letter to Maneschewitz do you?