"The Relic" Reference?

I gotta be honest, I have watched "The Relic" twice this week on demand in HD.  While you may think this has nothing to do with Whole Foods, you are are an idiot and of course wrong.  If Whole Foods existed in Chicago of the mid 90s then Stan Winston's creature could of sought out hypothalamus glads not of living human prey, but that of the organic variety sold next to the olive bar adjacent to the earlobe stretching station. They are quite tender after being soaked in whole milk and left out in the sun for several days later to be smeared with mayonnaise.

Ok, I have no problem with health.  A persons health is all they have, of course.  Without your health, you are dead and can't reproduce children that will inevitably be a disappointment as after they pursue an overpriced 7 year undergraduate degree in creative-writing/philosophy from a mountain college leading to a state of extended adolescence that lasts well into their 30s resulting in a move back to their childhood bedroom only to be unexpectedly more entitled and messy than before, WTF?! Whole Foods promotes health, right? Organic food is healthier, right? Somebody fucking answer me here?! The answer is....

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Thats a shrug emoticon, because I'm the best!  Prove to me that the canned organic corn is better than the canned Value brand corn.  Prove it, DO IT! You can't, but you still buy the overpriced organic canned corn garbage because the invisible hand of the marketing geniuses that decided to put the word organic on anything and sell it at a premium in a store that only sells organic products want you to.  I guarantee you that the migrant worker's sweat  that I unknowingly consumed due to me refusing to wash anything off before eating/opening, is 100% as organic as that of the 365 brand's migrant worker's. 


Lets examine Hayden, not only does Hayden have a last name for a first name he is also an underemployed moutain college graduate who after graduation realizes that his English degree is for nothing and must descend unto the masses and get a job in the service industry. "I couldn't possibly work in a mall setting, as that is completely beneath me" he mutters into the dark void of this shapeless life. "I understand that Whole Food hires weirdos who make the everyday patron feel completely inferior and uncomfortable, possibly I should choose this venue to showcase my crapulence"he is heard screaming during uncontrollable fits of rage and manic depression episodes that carry on long into the moonless night.  



In a previous life my ex significant other would have me purchase four $7.00 bottles of organic grapefruit juice weekly squeezed by Hades himself and willed into half gallon plastic containers to be consumed  by schmucks on the banks of the river Styx. I remember trying to joke around with the cashier, Charles the son of Hades (myth will tell of Hades having no son, but I know otherwise), of my local Whole Foods about the absurd price.  My jokes were met with looks of fiery hatred, which later made me realize that 200 years ago a look of that nature would of been taken as a direct insult leading to the possible legal death of the said aggressor at the hands of the offended.  Have we come so far that a fucking 25 year old Prius driver with a bluebird tattoo on his left nonexistent pectoral dictates how I should feel about myself at time of purchase?  If anything, this halfheadshaven child needs to be kissing my feet as I am the least pretentious person he will see until his shift ends. 


OK, im done discussing whole foods.  Anybody else wanna pick up this topic? IM TRYING TO POWERLEVEL SMITHING IN SKYRIM FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!


Who has been messing with my medication?


Asshole.Of.The.Moment